Ovary Big Mess

I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while but was too embarrassed to do so until I realised that everyone, well, every woman suffers from this hellish experience every single month of their lives until they reach menopause. Yup, I’m talking about periods.

📷 Still from It (Me having to clean the bathroom after a heavy flow)

Well, it all started with me coming off the contraceptive pill after being on it for 12 years. I decided to come off it to sort out my mental health and perhaps (if Fate decided) to start a family. I thought I knew all the cons; acne breakouts, weight fluctuation, and the dreaded one – irregular cycles. I was never regular period-wise but being on the pill drastically changed that. Everything became lighter, lasting between 3-5 days, and I could pinpoint exactly when it was going to happen because of the 7 day pill break. Joy! Yeah, well that didn’t last.

And so, it’s been a year. It started out with no periods for around 3 months and then WHAM I was having heavy periods, clots and all, lasting two weeks and sometimes for a whole month. Freaking out, I went to my GP who told me that there was nothing to worry about and that this was normal after being on the pill for a very long time. Apparently my body was just getting back into the swing of things and my pesky little hormones were sorting themselves out. It felt like these little shits were having a fucking riotous party inside me. Now, I’m all for rock ‘n’ roll but not when the drums are my ovaries. I left the GP’s office not entirely convinced that this was the case, as I felt that in my gut something wasn’t right. She told me that if it was concerning me then I could get a blood test to rule out anything that was worrying me. I hate blood tests, but I’d also had enough being a walking replay of the blood-rave scene from Blade, and had to know what the fuck was going on with my menstrual cycle.

I’m going to skip the section about what happened when I got the blood tests because my stomach is flip-flopping around and I’m feeling queasy just thinking about it. Even my reflection on this screen is looking a bit grey. Let’s skip forwards in time.

So, results. I got them back and they told me I had elevated levels of cholesterol and cortisol. Basically I had fatty arteries and my stress hormones were in overdrive because I like bad food and I worry about everything. In fact, I don’t just worry, I catastrophise. So, pair these results with periods that looked like the elevator scene from the Shining and my slowly-growing blonde beard, the GP nervously assigned me a diagnosis; PCOS.


🎥 The Shining (not actually my vagina)

Aye, cheers. It wasn’t official yet but she said it’s highly likely. So, I’m waiting on an appointment from the endocrinologist. I know if it is this then there’s no cure and I may have massive fertility problems, but I’ve accepted that now. I’m just going to take each day as it comes and live the best way I can, find the humour in it all, and not let it get the better of me….

….well, except the periods. Because they definitely do.




























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